AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
