he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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