Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
