Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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