Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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