i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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