i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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