i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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