The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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