god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
