Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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