The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize