My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
