I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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