I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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