Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
