I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
