What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't put those talents on a resume
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
