I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize