Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
