You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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