Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
