just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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