The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
