Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize