he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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