thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
