You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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