Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
