were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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