If i come over, it means nothing
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
