Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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