I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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