how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
