My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
