So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
