Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
