i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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