i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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