I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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