u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
