Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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