Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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