I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
