Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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