I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
