he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
