if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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