Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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