it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
