not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
