I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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