take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
