If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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