i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
