Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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