just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
