hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His nipple licking is glorious
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