The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
