is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
