I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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