It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize