When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
