bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
