i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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