Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
