im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize