a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
