How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize