She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
