I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
